Similarities Between Biking and Sex

  • It's easy to make mistakes when mounting under the influence of alcohol.

  • Curves are best when they're hard and tight.

  • It's most fun to finish together.

  • There are times when a battery operated one would be appreciated.

  • Lubricate your equipment before every ride, and clean it up afterwards.

  • You're always sore after a good, hard ride.

  • It's not the quality of your tool, but how well you use it.

  • Most people spend more time talking about it than actually doing it.

  • If you go too fast, you can slide right off the track.

  • The key to endurance is to find a rhythm.

  • The patch is where the rubber makes contact with the track.

  • Novices don't seem to last very long when riding.

  • Protection is 85% effective at keeping another brainless drooler from entering the world.

  • Protection is most important if you don't know the trail very well and don't know what to expect.

  • With tubulars, if things get hot enough the rubber can slip right off your equipment, with clearly undesirable results.

  • Pace yourself!

  • Its something you can do yourself, but is more fun with a partner.

  • Always communicate your intentions when riding with a partner.

  • Some people are so dumb that you wonder why you don't need a license to ride.

  • The equipment that BMX'ers use just seems too small to do the job.

  • An important factor in comfort, there is much question over riding position.

  • If you can't use your equipment well in the weeds, you'll probably go down and end up with your face in it.

  • It's something you can do on your own, but it's more fun with a partner.

  • With a "bra" keeping your rubber from the "nipple," and a "condom" to keep the valve on your tube from shooting out its stuff, who can tell the difference?